like a rolling stone

12:45 p.m. ~ the last time i logged in to this blog, i deleted everything in it. today, i start with a clean slate, so to speak. such is every new day of our lives, fresh and new, with none of yesterday's burden to drain us of energy. none of what happened in the past has to affect what happens to us today. or does it? we have this thing called memory. it serves us in mysterious ways. i am dealing with a family situation right now that is perplexing at best and utterly frustrating at worst. it concerns a family member who is homeless, who has been living on the streets for a few years. i wish i knew the nature of this cousin's challenges. he has seen mental health professionals who have diagnosed him as both schizophrenic and autistic. he is 41 years old and was forced out of the house he had shared with his family for his entire life. his father has been deceased for thirteen years now; he died tragically, either from a heart attack or falling from a tree. (he had been trimming branches on a tree beside his father's house and was discovered, lifeless, on the ground beneath the tree.) well, this is just one fact of my cousin's life. his mother is now in poor health, living alone. his brother is married and living in another town. i don't know whether the brothers have any contact with one another. what started him on his journey toward homelessness was a confict with his mother that became physically violent. as a result, he was arrested and jailed. once he was released from jail, his mother didn't want him back in the house. because of his mental challenges (which i wish i understood), he was unable to find a way to support himself. i have watched the family try to help him, but - from what i can tell - they don't seem to be able to reach him and provide what he needs. he wants to reconcile with his mother, but the family is putting various demands upon him, ones that i fear he cannot meet because of not only his mental challenges but because of the very nature of these demands. the family accuses him of being manipulative and demanding, yet it appears they are being the same way with him, insisting on doing things their way and not his. he resists their attempts to help him, and i can understand why. i doubt that my cousin is being any more manipulative and demanding than the family members who are trying to help him. it is just so very sad to watch what is happening, all the discussion and bickering going on within the family with regard to this cousin of mine, and all the while, he is still without a home, on the streets, without family support. it is so sad. listening now to ...

Patti Smith -Like a Rolling Stone -Live 2005